Could be, thanks for reading that quick draft. I'm actually now considering revising a lot of the end bits so that Azuma's first match doesn't happen until next episode and the other countries get some more development.
Another reader has also brought up concerns that Azuma doesn't seem to have a clear motive and that the conflict is a bit weak. I'd be interested to see if you agree and if you have any ideas to remedy the present lack of antagonism.
I could see where they're coming with for the motive, I don't really know what he's doing aside from trying to get better (?) magic education, I could see some antagonism, however.
It's somewhat stated in episode 3 but I'm going to go ahead and make it more obvious. He's getting a magic license by attending school just like his subjects have to, so that he can improve the monarchy's reputation with magicians. Right now their seemingly strict control over magic has helped spur the Crimson Night and other anti-monarchist groups into being. This is also thanks to a number of historical things:
1. When magic became widespread the precious mineral market tanked, causing the monarchy to initially crack down on the creation of gold etc. This however proved impossible to stop, and they ended up imprisoning a large amount of magicians despite the inevitable devaluation of precious minerals.
2. Azuma's grandfather, the late king, was murdered by a group of magicians (as well as many high ranking nobles that advised him in the Council of Elders). The shock of this sudden assassination led Azuma's father to impose strict laws on the use of magic, including the current licensing program.
That being said, while I have already written a somewhat extensive history for the world I don't want to just info dump history lessons onto readers. I'll see if I can somehow work some of this into Azuma's discussions.
He's also somewhat motivated by Kymira to get stronger and understand her situation. It was lightly touched upon but they trained together in magic when he was younger, but about two years in Kymira was taken away on the king's orders and ceased to have contact with Azuma. You can imagine he's interested to find out more about what she's been doing.
Let me know if you have any questions, I'm sure the way this is currently written there are many holes in the description of the current state of things.
I've been considering that this series should probably have an actual name. Here are some really dumb name ideas I've thought of:
Trilogy of Magic
Cursed World
Embers at Dawn
The Crimson Prince
Azuma Tamagi and the Sorcerer's Stone
The Last Prince
Prince of Magic
Vote now on your phones!
im stuck between the top 2 as those seem the best to me
The Dawn part of Embers at Dawn is pretty dumb imo, maybe something else
Sherif do you care to explain why you don't like The Crimson Prince? I think I'm going to roll with that for now since it's the most relevant and sounds decent.
can I necrobump this and ask what is going to change in this trilogy bc of the Manoyama forum game?
The forum game will change nothing of the plot. It may add a side character or two if I feel so inclined.
(01-07-2018, 03:56 PM)Ostinyo Wrote: [ -> ]The forum game will change nothing of the plot. It may add a side character or two if I feel so inclined.
you did say that the magic system will be drastically different in the novels vs the game.